bed bugs and garage sales

night hags vs bed bugs

i'd rather get sleep paralyzed and visited by rapist demon chicks, than eaten alive every night by sneaky fuckin blood suckers.
verdade.

~~~~~

flat tires and sweet deals

got home from the beach after cutting both my feet again, and checked craigslist's garage sales in the area. I found a place up the road giving away free stuff from 2 to 4. it was 3 so i hurried out of the house with a flat tire, biked around looking for the place for about 20 minutes. i found the place and ended up walking away with literally a truckload of stuff for $10.

thanks and praises to alan and pomaikai and their families!

i see a future here

i see a future here

i could live happy
i could die happy

when
i don't want to know
not that i'll ignore it
but
i'll accept it as it comes

Homesickless

i havent felt homesick yet, but one day this place will get old and i'll visit my old home to find everything changed, and i'll trip out on that, learn something from it, then say fffuck it i'm outta here, and i'll find a new place to go. explore a bit, adventure here and there. settle down for a while, but one day that place will get old and i'll be on the road again and again. this is the rest of my life.

PEACE

i found peace lying in the back of a pick-up truck.

SOJA

it's been about two weeks here in maui - the beautiful island of maui. fuckin… everything here, so beautifull hahahahh

the mountains
the ocean
the people here
the spirit - the aura
there's something inthe water here that..

i dunno, people just enjoy themselves here
severely
immensely

i love it here
i want to stay as long as i can

but i know things are about to get rough
in a good way

i need that stress
i'm already feeling it

school is killer.
the money is runnin'

3 more weeks til i get financial aid from the school
the government
that pell grant is the government's inverstment into my future
they're hoping i'll pay them back someday by getting a job
that's what this is all about.
but i can get a job without a college education
i jusssst have to try - no - i have to do it.

now
aaright now


i heard that maui is "the most depressed island in the state"
(economically)
(maybe in other ways too)

but if i can find happiness here…
which i have…

a wise man once told we that
life goes liek this (in waves)

waves

imagnine the entirety of human exiistence as the OCEAN , and every life is a WAVE
not even just humans, the entire everthing…
ripples in an pond, waves in an ocean

all thishappiness, all this love that i've found…
look at it.
it's about to pass.


i can hear the ocean from here
the waves breaking on the shore
like a life ending - the last and final roar of a relatively minor existence
----


SOJA concert tomoorw
fuckin psyched

but i think i pregamed it too early hahahahahaaa
i'm all outs of beers

ahhhhh i love shoppping for beer

MAUI BOUND

YEAH!

i'm doing it.

bags packed, ready to go.

flight in 4 hours.

SUPA excited.

beach house, oh yeah.

i need to get some rest before my flight, so i'll finish this later



got no rest, plane ride was awesome, i'm gonna make another post all about it soon

stream of unconsciousness

it'll work
it's not gonna work
this could be great
this is gonna hurt
it'll be okay
fuck
it's not gonna work
i don't know what will happen
i don't know what will happen
it could be good
it could go bad
it could be horrible
it could be disasterous

it'll be all right.
it will be right.

10 more days
10 more fucking days
i wish it could be 100 more days
or 100 days into the future

i feel every second
every heartbeat is one i'll never get back
how many more do i have left?

flying through space on a rock
who knows how fast?
each second
each moment that passes
feels lightyears away
so far apart
relative to my p.o.v.
i'm zoomed in so close
so focused on each second
trying to hold onto each one
but they are ripped from me
too fast
too fucking fast

if i take a step back

10 more days
9 more days
8 more
7
fuck i can't stand it.
so soon.
a little more than a week left here.

will i go through with it?
i have to
i HAVE to
i don't have to.
fuck
i'm too fucking proud to take it back
i can't take it back
yes i can take it back
i haven't left yet

my word
i gave them my word
what good is my word then

i'm going
i'm going
i told myself i'm going
i told everyone i'm going
i want to uphold my WORD
let it have some meaning
but
i'm afraid my words will kill me . . .



i'm afraid of death now
again
still

physical death
spiritual death
mental death

i
am
killing
...
this
all of this:
the relationships
the people i love
the family i let down
the friends i abandoned

abandonment
going to maui

fuck i'm being selfish
and proud
too goddamned proud.
so i hurt myself
and it will hurt others

damn
this is too fucked up
where are the happy notes? huh?

this could work out
i could learn something
something i can't find here
-no
i can find it here
maybe not
i don't want to look here
it hurts

but the people i love
and care about
they're here too

fuck it
arggjhgdgfdhfjb

i dont want to leave them
i'm going to leave them

i think i'll come back
i have to

omw2maui? update dec 8

things aren't looking so bright.

…

looks like i won't find out if i get financial aid until AFTER the semester starts - if i get it at all.

fucked up both my music finals… precalc exam too.
still got the final for precalc next week monday, and my hwst exam and essay are due by next friday.
probably getting a D in math, so acing the final would probably bring me up to a C.

same with hwst, except acing the final might give me a D. i need to do extra credit, if she still accepts it.

probably getting a C or D in my music classes.

i need a 2.0 to keep my financial aid… or i have to pay back $2700… maybe more.
i don't want to do that. i really don't want it to come to that.


i really want this to work.

remind me to mention the van next time.

omw2maui update dec 1

welcome december!
the rains are here. it's pouring in palisades again.

yesterday i talked to the Kulanaao people about the campus apartments. turns out no bed spaces are available right now, but will be available in FEBRUARY.

FEBRUARY.
semester starts JAN 10.

so i'm gonna try staying at a hostel for as long as i can afford it. it's about the same price… ~$500/month.
i found this place called Northshore Hostel. they have some good reviews.

~OR~

i could buy a car and live in it for a few months. truck, preferably. then i gotta find a place to shower.

or… live in a tent.

….uh

----

no word from financial aid yet. come on peeps. send me that check.

Earthquake

The sofa shook for a few seconds. i thought it was an earthquake so I asked Cassie if she felt it. She didn't so i thought it was a demon. Turns out it was an earthquake. House is still demon-free as far as I know.

Yesterday I was looking up the Pacific Ring of Fire… don't remember why I thought I should, but I did.




We can see the future.

maui update

so i'm planning on arriving before the new year, after christmas sometime. maybe a wednesday.

i've changed my home campus, registered for a few classes…
there's a beekeeping class there. hmm….

in the process of sending my financial aid info over and then praying, a lot.






so after riding my bmx in the rain today, i decided i'm bringing my fixed gear. don't want to deal with wet brakes again … it's been so long since i've experienced that on my mountain bike… scary shit mon.

right now it's storming up in palisades. thunderrrrr.
THE SKY IS OPENING UP

i was also thinking about bringing my electric guitar to maui, but too much to carry if i;m gonna be hopping around the place. for the first few weeks i was thinking about staying at a hostel until i find a job and a cheaper place to stay. woo!

i have to make friends and get a job… or perish.
i don't have to make friends, but… it would be nice.

i don't have to go to maui, but… this will change things. hardcore.
it will be nice. it's gonna be rough. i'm gonna push myself to survive.